


Not Your Sidekick Hero

by mckinlily



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hawk Moth! Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, Sorry Adrien, enemies au, is it still an au if it could technically still happen in cannon?, non-linear story telling, not quite your typical enemies au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:38:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8676661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckinlily/pseuds/mckinlily
Summary: Adrien had imagined that Hawk Moth discovering his identity would be disastrous. He never imagined it could be worse.Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste, he knows Adrien is Chat Noir, and Adrien finds himself needing to betray one person who he loves more than anyone else.It all hinges on one, or perhaps several, unexpected conversations.





	1. Adrien

It ends like this:

Ladybug is nearly in tears as she strains to look at Chat Noir, but she can’t do it properly because he has her wrists behind her back and is binding them with her own yoyo.

“You don’t have to do this, Chat,” she pleads.

But Chat’s voice is only grim determination. “Yes, I do.”

He pulls the line tight.

* * *

_Adrien_

Chat Noir is supposed to be Ladybug’s partner, a fact Adrien knows well until one October afternoon when all the basic facts of his life catch fire and die.

Hawk Moth knows his identity.

Hawk Moth is his _father_.

Nothing is going the way Adrien would have expected. Gabriel doesn’t look mad. Gabriel looks agitated and—is it possible?— _excited_. His voice remains cool and crisp, but it’s his mannerisms that give him away. His eyes pop open wide, and he moves his hands too much, too fast.

“With your ring and Ladybug’s earrings we would possess the power of creation and destruction. The combined power is the stuff of legends—we would have the power of a god!”

For the first time in years, Gabriel is looking at Adrien with hope. He is looking at _Adrien._

And Adrien—his mind skids on half-formed thoughts. He’s still reeling from the fear of loosing his miraculous. Nooroo floats over the butterfly miraculous on the desk, and Adrien unconsciously brings his closed fist with his ring closer to his chest.

“Think!” cries Gabriel when Adrien fails to respond. “Think! With the combined power, we could bring her back! _We can bring your mother back!_ ”

 _That_ cracks through his skittering thoughts. His mother.

But she’s gone. She disappeared three years ago, and they have no answers. They’ll never have any answers…

“Are you listening to me?”

“Y-yes, Father.”

His _mother._

Gabriel clasps Adrien’s shoulders, forcing Adrien to look up at him _._

“Together, Adrien,” he whispers. “We could do it together.”

 

Adrien aches. He never thought he would see his mother again. Funny, one swoop pulled the rung out from under his life, but he feels he came to accept it rather quickly. At least, he learned to stop hoping.

He should have been able to the same with his father, but somehow Adrien hasn’t been able to stop hoping to please him. Now, suddenly, he’s offered both at once, and it’s like all the bandages he’s used to bind himself up have been ripped violent away, leaving him naked and stinging.

Hope isn’t a light thing. Hope is _painful._

           

And it comes with a catch.

“When I release the next akuma, _you_ will rush Ladybug and—”

And Adrien’s heart just _drops_. “Father, no! _Please_.”

“Adrien,” chides Gabriel. “We _need_ those earrings.”

“I-I know that!” But he can’t attack Ladybug. He’s _in_ _love_ with her. “Father, _please_ don’t make me fight. Let me talk to her.”

“Talk to her,” repeats Gabriel. “You think Ladybug will merely give up her miraculous. I have be fighting her for a long time—”

“And I’ve been fighting right beside her!”

They both stare at Adrien’s outburst. Adrien is doing everything he can to keep from trembling and hardly succeeding.

“Father, I _know_ Ladybug. She’s kind and generous. She’ll want to help. Just let me talk to her. Please.”

Gabriel thinks for a long moment. “You are letting your feeling for the girl get the better of you,” he says coolly, and Adrien deflates.

“All the same…” Gabriel taps the butterfly miraculous once. “Perhaps I am mistaken. You may try.”

 

Adrien can’t stay still, nerves jittering as he leaps across rooftops. He and Ladybug can’t really communicate outside of suit, so he loiters around as Chat Noir, suspecting Ladybug will show up. And he’s not wrong. He’s just tumbled onto the roof of the Norte Dame when he hears the soft _zip!_ of her yoyo, and then Ladybug is dropping beside him.

“What’s up, Kitty?”

His heart lights up just seeing her, and for a moment, everything is right. “Just hoping for the chance to run into a beautiful Lady.”

Ladybug rolls her eyes. “You’ve already used that one.”

He shrugs, grinning. He can’t say why he enjoys winding her up so much—it’s nothing he would ever even _attempt_ as Adrien—but it’s fun and Ladybug is just so _Ladybug._

“And what’s wrong with that? It’s _true_.”

“If you’re going to be like that, I’m leaving.” Ladybug twists around, but he can tell she’s not serious.

Laughing, he grabs her arm. “Ah, don’t be like that, Bugaboo. I’m just getting started.”

She pushes him away by the nose. “All the more reason for me to be _leaving._ ”

He pouts, and she rolls her eyes, and there’s no one else like this in his life. Who he can tease and who just dishes it back. Who, no matter what he does, never leaves.

But he does have something to discuss, something serious, so he postures himself, one arm folded, the other stroking his chin. “But I _do_ have some key intel. About Hawk Moth.”

He has her full attention. Ladybug is immediately all business.

“What is it?”

So he tells her. Quickly, but as fully as he can manage. The discovery of his identity, his relation to Hawk Moth, Hawk Moth’s goal—

And Ladybug does not take it well.

“He sent you to steal my earrings?!” She leaps up, hands covering her ears.

He jumps up, too, pleading. “Not steal! I’m asking!”

“ _Asking?_ You’re _asking_ for my earrings?”

“With them we could—”

“ _We??_ ” she shrieks. Ladybug takes another several steps backward. “You’re working _with_ him!?”

"He’s my father—”

“He’s _Hawk Moth!_ ”

“You don’t understand!” Adrien is desperate, but he’s also growing angry. “He’s not evil, he just wants his wife back! That’s all. He didn’t want to send all the akumas, he just wanted to draw us out—”

“So he could snatch our miraculouses!” screams Ladybug. “Yeah, that totally justifies terrorizing the whole city!”

“Stop it, Ladybug!” he shouts. “If you’d just _listen—_ ”       

“Me?? _I_ need to listen? You’re the one joining Hawk Moth!” Ladybug takes out her yoyo. “If you’re just here to steal my earrings—”

“I wanted to _talk!_ ” he yells. “I thought you might actually care what I have to say!”

“And I thought you were my partner!” Ladybug fires back. She throws her yoyo to the next building.

“Ladybug! No! _Please—_ ”

But she’s gone.

 

Adrien collapses face first into his bed, biting back the stinging, metallic taste of failure. Everything that he had—Ladybug’s friendship, his father’s hope—gone because, in the end, he wasn’t good enough for either of them.

Plagg floats next to him. “Well, that could have gone better.”

Adrien turns his head away, too miserable to engage him.

 

Gabriel looks at him with a touch of hope. “Did you get the earrings?”

And shame bubbles up in Adrien’s throat, as black and corrosive as Cataclysm. “…No.”

Gabriel doesn’t even look surprised. He just turns back to the portfolio he’s reviewing. “Then we’re back to my plan.”

But there’s a clip of cold disapproval in his voice that sends Adrien’s stomach plunging through the floor.

 

Adrien is drowning in his own inadequacy. He does his best. He faces Ladybug like his father needs him to. But he has spent the better part of two years watching her back. The instinct to protect her runs deeper than that of his own survival. He can’t hurt her; he just _can’t_. This is all wrong, and Ladybug picks up on his reluctance right away. _She_ doesn’t hesitate. Not five minutes later, his skinny butt is tossed into the Seine.

As water goes up his nose, he can’t help but feel a bit relieved. At least she isn’t hurt.

But he forgets his father is now watching.

“What were you thinking? You’ve always been the weaker fighter, but _that_? What was that? _Do you want your mother back or not?_ ”

He sucks in air, winded. He does. He does, he _does_. How is that even a question? Adrien Agreste wants his mother back.

“Then act like it!” Gabriel snaps.

 

He fights Ladybug again though it hurts him to do so. But Ladybug…

“You’re not you anymore, Chat!” She fights him with ferocity. “I _hate_ it!”

She lands the next hit, but it’s nothing compared to the punch she just landed on his heart. Without Chat Noir’s bravado, all he _is_ is himself.

Of course she doesn’t like him anymore.

 

Adiren slides down his bedroom wall, his transformation falling apart as he goes. In a shocking turn of events, Plagg does not immediately start demanding cheese. Instead, he lifts his head and gives Adrien a very grumpy side eye.

Plagg mutters something, but Adrien doesn’t pay attention. Ladybug hates him. He’s failed his father yet again. All these awful emotions swirl inside of him, begging for a way out. Something, _anything_ besides the failure he feels now.

“You know, you could make this a lot easier on yourself if you actually _tried_ ,” points out Plagg.

“I _am_ trying!” Adrien snaps.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Adrien’s hand flashes out, squeezing Plagg in his fist. “Shut. Up. Plagg. All you ever do is insult me and complain, so just. Shut. Up.”

Plagg gives a very exaggerated yawn, but he doesn’t say anything. Disgusted, Adrien lets him go and knocks his head back against the wall, unable handle the pain that is swirling inside him. All he knows is that he has to do something soon, or he’s going to be destroyed.

 

And that night, he has an epiphany.

 

“Father, I know how to get Ladybug’s miraculous.”

“Is this the same foolish idea as last time?”

There’s a drawl of sarcasm in Gabriel’s voice that scrapes at the inside of Adrien’s gut, but he’s faced this before. He can handle it.

“Last time was a false hope,” he says, forcing his voice to steady. “I didn’t want to fight her. This is different.”

Perhaps Gabriel can sense the energy radiating from Adrien. It’s flightier than nervousness, darker than excitement, and his eyes shine with it. Whatever it is, it has _bite_ , and Gabriel leans forward.

“Fighting her won’t work, Father. She’s too good, and she’ll never give up her miraculous. But there is another way.”

Some of Adrien’s excitement catches in Gabriel’s eyes. “And do you know what this other way would be?”

“I realized—Ladybug still hasn’t quite accepted that I’ve left her. She still wants her old Chat Noir back.” Adrien takes a step forward.

“Father, I can make her trust me.”


	2. Marinette

Marinette is supposed to be doing homework. _Supposed_ to being the key word. Currently, she is staring dreamily at her posters of Adrien Agreste. Tikki prods her in the cheek.

“Wha—? Oh, right. Homework.” In her haste to refocus, Marinette knocks her tablet to the floor. “Shoot! Oh no—AAHHH!” Trying to retrieve her tablet, she overbalances, sends the chair rolling across the room and falls onto floor.

“Oww,” she moans. “Why am I so clumsy?”

Tikki laughs lightly above her. “You aren’t clumsy, Marinette! Sometimes you just get distracted.”

Privately, Marinette disagrees. Rubbing her head, she picks up her tablet and sees which homework assignment she was neglecting. _Maths._ No wonder she’d rather look at Adrien’s perfect face.

“….Chat Noir?”

Marinette looks up from her sprawled position on the ground. “Huh?”

Tikki giggles. “I think I just spotted Chat Noir on the roofs across the street!”

“Really?” Marinette rushes to the window and just spots a dark spot leaping on the horizon. She chews her lip. Her silly partner has a lot of reasons to be wandering around Paris, but if he’s making a point of being spotted, then he’s probably looking for Ladybug.

Marinette glances at her homework. It can wait. “Tikki, spots on!”

 

She knows she’s right when she finds Chat on the roof of Notre Dame, one of their favorite hang out spots. She drops in, half expecting Chat to challenge her to a magical version of tag.

Instead he’s come to tell her he’s defecting to Hawk Moth.

She leaves ten minutes later furious and barely able to see through the tears in her eyes.

 

She drops through the trapdoor, and her transformation immediately falls apart. She collapses onto her bed, sobs shaking her body. Tikki nuzzles into her cheek.

“Oh, Marinette…”

“Why, though?” she cries. “Why did he have to go over to Hawk Moth?”

Tikki gently brushes a lock of Marinette’s hair. Marinette punches her pillow. “He’s supposed to be my friend! I trusted him—I trusted him with my life! And now he wants to take my miraculous!” She presses her face into the pillow and pounds the bed with her feet.

“Oh, Marinette, I don’t think he sees it like that.”

Marinette lifts her head. “Then what _does_ he see it as?” she spits. Then, because she doesn’t really want to hear Tikki’s answer, she buries her face in her pillow again and cries.

 

The next day, she sees Chat Noir, but they’re fighting each other, and it nearly kills her. It hurt every time she had faced him in the past, but he wasn’t himself then. Now he is, and it hurts more than she can handle. She’s lucky he seems as reluctant to fight her as she is to fight him because if he’d really had his heart in it, he definitely would have won.

She dumps Chat in the Seine and races off to fight the akuma. Alone. It takes three times longer than usual. Because she doesn’t have Chat to watch her back. Or to bounce ideas off of. Or to serve as a distraction. And because most her heart is back at whatever part of the Seine Chat is pulling himself out of.

Ladybug cleanses the akuma and actually holds out her fist. But there’s no one to fist bump.

 

Before she can make it home to sob over her lost partner, Marinette is mobbed by reporters. They’ve seen Chat attack her, and they’ve noticed that this akuma didn’t seem to have mind control.

“Was that really Chat Noir?”

“Has Chat Noir turned against you?”

“Has Chat Noir turned against Paris?”

Marinette has a blinding headache and only three spots left on her earrings, but she forces a Ladybug smile. “No, Chat Noir was simply under akuma control. Chat Noir is definitely still on the side of Paris.”

She wants him to hear her. She wants him to make what she says true.

With less tact than Ladybug is supposed to have, she shoves her way out of the reporters and runs away across the rooftops.

 

Marinette makes it to school the next day, miraculously on time, but with the persistent feeling that she’s about to be sick. She keeps seeing Chat’s claws passing inches from her face and hearing his voice, “I thought you’d understand!” She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t even have an inkling of how Chat can change sides, abandon her like this, but nothing hurts so much as the bond he’s broken.

Alya takes one look at Marinette and asks if she’s all right. Marinette just chokes out, “No,” and, in front of the entire school, collapses into her best friend’s arms. Alya tries to pry out what’s wrong, but when Marinette only sobs and shakes her head, Alya reverts to patting Marinette’s hair and saying over and over, “It’s all right. It’s going to be all right, girl. It’s going to be all right.”

It’s not, but Marinette clutches on to the friend she still has.

 

It’s not just that she feels betrayed. She’s worried sick about Chat. He’s not himself. He’s slipshod and desperate. She’s known for a while his home life isn’t the best. Now she wonders if she should have been paying a lot closer attention. If his father is _Hawk Moth_ … She shudders. What has Chat been through?

She should have _done_ something. Said something. Let Chat know how much he meant to her, called Child Protective Services, anything to have stopped things from getting to this point. She’s so stuck now. She doesn’t know Chat’s civilian identity, and she’s afraid Ladybug has made too many mistakes to reach him now.

If only she’d been less selfish. A little wiser. Less emotional. Maybe if she hadn’t insisted on keeping their identities secret… Or had just indulged Chat a little more… All he really wanted, ridiculous flirting aside, was a little of her time…

And now he’s falling down a path that’s destroying him.

During this time, it’s clear that Adrien’s having it rough, too. Marinette notices, she _cares_ but she just… There’s a limit to how much worry and turmoil one person can hold.

She might be _in_ love with Adrien, but he isn’t hers. Chat though… Chat was supposed to be hers from the beginning. Her partner, her teammate—

How could she have failed him so badly?

 

But he’s not exactly holding up his end of the bargain, either. She faces Chat Noir again that day. It’s destroying her, fighting him like this. Chat Noir is quiet now, intense, not even a taunt leaving his lips. It’s like she’s facing a shell of her partner, like the real Chat is dead and she’s only fighting his animated corpse.

“Why, Chat?” she screams as she returns his attacks. “You’re not you anymore! I hate it!”

 

She wins this one.

She also loses. She still doesn’t have her partner back.

 

“I don’t understand, Tikki,” cries Marinette as soon as she gets home. “Why is it that hard? Why can’t he just… _not_?”

“It’s not that simple for him,” says Tikki.

“I know, I know. It’s his father. But it’s _Hawk Moth!_ ” Marinette presses both hands to her cheeks and throws her head back. “I can’t do this, Tikki. _I can’t do this!_ ”

“Yes, you can, Marinette! You’re Ladybug!”

“Ladybug is supposed to have Chat Noir!” Marinette snaps back. “I can’t do this on my own!”

Tikki flies up and pats Marinette’s cheek. “I know it’s hard, but you have to be patient. Chat Noir is chosen to be your partner. He has to come around sometime.”

Marinette drops her head onto her desk. “But what if he doesn’t? What if I’m stuck fighting akumas alone? What if I get caught? What if I have to keep fighting him?” Her heart clenches up and she cries, “Oh, Tikki! I’m a wreck. I have no idea what to do to save Chat. I can’t save Paris on my own. Have any of your Ladybugs messed up this badly?”

“Being Ladybug doesn’t mean not making mistakes or being infallible. You’re Ladybug because you’re _you_. You love Paris, and you love Chat Noir. You’re brave and smart, and you never give up. It’s enough.”

Marinette lifts her head from the desk. “But, Tikki, what if it’s not?”

 

She cries softly into her mother’s lap. She had to fight Chat again that night, and he still hasn’t turned away from Hawk Moth. Serious and focused, he’s a terrifically effective solider. She’s scared, she’s hurt, she even misses Chat’s terrible puns. Ladybug is supposed to be strong and sure, the protector of Paris, but Marinette has never felt so young and lost.

Sabine gently strokes her hair. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong, sweetie?”

Marinette mutely shakes her head. If only…

 

What if Tikki’s wrong? What if Chat never comes back? She still has her job to do, Marinette knows it. She’ll have to find the strength to—

“Ladybug?”

Marinette jumps up, yoyo in her hand, but she’d be lying to herself if she said this wasn’t exactly why she’d been wandering Paris in costume—hoping, perhaps foolishly, to find her partner again.

But he isn’t safe. He’s Chat Noir, but she doesn’t know if she can trust him now.

He holds up his hands. “Please, Ladybug. I just want to talk.”

“All right, Chat,” she says, fighting to keep her voice steady. “What do you want to say?”

“I-I—Ladybug, I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

She steps towards him. “Chat?”

He’s staring down at the gravel at his feet. He seems to steal himself, taking a deep breath before forcing himself to look at her. “You were right all along. I should have never left you. Hawk Moth is—It doesn’t matter that he’s my father. We have to defeat him.”

Suddenly, she can’t breathe, emotion so thick and heavy it fills up her chest, constricting her lungs. She hardly dares speak, her voice less than a whisper as she repeats, “We?”

Chat just gives her a ghost of a smile. “We’re partners, aren’t we?”

She doesn’t hug him. She flies at him, flings her arms around him, and squeezes for all she’s worth. “I missed you. _I really missed you_ ,” she sobs into his chest. He barely hugs her back, but she pulls away quickly because a second longer and she’d break. It’s the last thing Paris or Chat Noir need: Ladybug the sobbing, blubbering mess.

“All right,” she says, trying to steady her breathing. “Hawk Moth.” She gnaws on her bottom lip. “This is going to be tough.”

Chat’s tail twitches against the ground, but a hint of the Chat Noir confidence she’s used to touches his face.

“Ladybug, I have a plan.”

 


	3. Ladybug

Chat’s claws dig into Ladybug’s arms. He pushes her roughly into the room. She’s bound, practically immobile, and her heart is pounding in her throat.

“I’ve brought her, Father,” says Chat.

Hawk Moth turns around, and this is real. This is _real._

“So you have,” says Hawk Moth, voice cold and crisp.

Chat forces her into the middle of the room. The backlighting makes it hard for her to read Hawk Moth’s expression, but she sees his eyes settle on her earrings. It takes every ounce of Ladybug courage she has to not flinch.

“I must admit,” Hawk Moth says to Chat, “I did not think you could succeed. But it appears you know Ladybug better than I excepted.”

Marinette hates the condensation in his voice, hates _him_ , but she has bigger things to worry about.

Hawk Moth reaches for her earrings.

And Chat _lets go._

Hawk Moth lunges, but Marinette can duck. Her yoyo hits the ground, string tangling at her feet. She dives for it. Hawk Moth waves his cane, yells. The akumas rise. Marinette fumbles with her yoyo, but even magical, indestructible yoyos take time to rewind. The akumas converge into a swarm. As one, they surge towards her and she’s still on the ground and—

There’s a flash of black. The akumas never reach her because…

Because _Chat_ is in front of her. His baton is extended, a shining, spinning blur, scattering akumas in every direction.

“What. Are. You. _Doing?_ ”

Hawk Moth is furious. But Ladybug…

She jumps up, starts her yoyo spinning, and finally, _finally_ takes her rightful place at Chat’s back.

Their shoulders brush. She can feel the tension radiating from his body—this isn’t easy for him—but he’s back. _He’s back!_ With his familiar presence at her side, she feels like she can take on the world. His ears angle towards her, his partner, waiting for her instructions. She doesn’t doubt him for a second.

“You distract Hawk Moth,” she says out of the corner of her mouth. “I’ve got the akumas.” Chat nods once to show he understands. And they’re off.

Hawk Moth doesn’t stand a chance.

Ladybug’s yoyo flies. Chat ducks out of her attacks and rushes Hawk Moth. Hawk Moth knows something about how to use his cane as a weapon. He’s good. But her Chat is better.

Marinette throws her yoyo like she never has before in her life, snapping up akumas left and right. She will _not_ let Chat be the one to take down his own father.

The last akuma is snatched up, and she doesn’t even pause to purify them. She throws her yoyo, still full of akumas, to wrap around Hawk Moth. With one mighty pull, Hawk Moth is on the ground, and while he slides, she jumps, landing on top of him and ripping the butterfly brooch off his chest. There’s a ripple of purple as his transformation is undone, but she pays no attention, instead watching the detransforming brooch in her hand. She almost throws it to the ground and stomps on it before remembering this is a miraculous, not an akuma, and she doesn’t actually want to destroy it. She doesn’t know what to do with a misused miraculous though, so she holds it in her left hand, tight.

It’s then that she realizes that Hawk Moth is getting up, and she tightens her yoyo. She will allow him to kneel, but she won’t allow him to stand. Won’t let him get away. She looks down to get her first real look at civilian Hawk Moth. And her heart stops.

It’s Gabriel Agreste.

But that means… Her eyes fall on Chat, standing five feet away, gripping his baton like a lifeline and trembling like an autumn leaf. Marinette feels strain on the string of her yoyo and turns her attention back to Hawk Moth. She expects him to be trying to escape. She does not expect instead the absolute storm of emotions on his face—fury, desperation, grief, rage as he fixes his son with a look that is pure _venom_.

Marinette’s seizes up twice. Oh Chat _._ Oh _Adrien._

Gabriel’s voice is little better than a snarl. “ _What. Happened?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is a mega-chapter because who needs balance?


	4. Adrien

What happened was this:

Alya updated the Ladyblog.

* * *

_Adrien_

Five days earlier, Adrien is lying in his bed, sick and miserable from his shouting match with Ladybug, when a notification lights up on his phone. Desperate for something else to think about, he picks it up and blinks in shock.

It’s near two in the morning, and the notification is from the Ladyblog. Numbly, he unlocks his phone and looks at the post.

It’s only one line: _Ladybug spotted near the Louvre, looking for her partner._

Adrien scrolls down, but that’s it. Just one line. Alya normally puts more to her posts than that. At _least_ a photo. But that’s it. _Ladybug spotted…looking for her partner._ At two in the freaking morning! Adrien doesn’t know Alya particularly well, but he hopes she’s at least smarter than to make nonsense posts at two in the morning.

Which gets him thinking, maybe Alya isn’t the true author of this post. _Maybe_ it’s someone else. Someone who has no other way to contact him. To whom he might have mentioned he has Ladyblog notifications on his phone (“So I can better respond to akuma!” “ _Sure_ , Kitty.”)

Adrien jumps to his feet. “Plagg! Claws out!”

 

She’s waiting for him on the roof. When he approaches, she jumps up, her hand on her yoyo. He stops several feet away from her.

“I’m not here for your miraculous.”

Ladybug relaxes a little. “I know,” she says. “You saw the Ladyblog?”

He nods. “You… Did you want to talk to me?”

“Yeah.”

He waits. She looks at her feet and then back at him.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” she says.

Of all the things he expected her to say, that was not it. A particle of hope bubbles up in his chest, but he squashes it down. He can’t possibly be that lucky.

“What…What do you mean?”

Ladybug takes a step toward him, still looking a lot at her shoes. “I over-reacted. You were right: I didn’t try to understand you, and I’m sorry.”

“So… So you—”

“I am _not_ giving Hawk Moth my miraculous,” she says fiercely. “I can’t do that.” She grips her wrist with her opposite hand, her expression earnest again. “But…But…” Ladybug’s eyes are wide and pleading. “I talked to Tikki. And to my parents—not specifics, of course—but I needed their help. And, well…” Ladybug’s shoulders hunch in on themselves.

“I realized I was being selfish. I only saw things from my point of view. I never imagined what you might be going through.” Ladybug’s eyes meet his. “Of course you’re going to have a connection with your father.”

Connection is the wrong word for it. It’s too much but also not enough. But Ladybug seems to be waiting for an answer.

“We—” He gulps, his throat dry. “We could bring my mother back. With the power of both the Ladybug and Chat Noir miraculouses.” His voice grows stronger and faster. “We’d have the power of a god, Ladybug. We could do anything. We could bring her _back_.”

“Oh, Chat,” whispers Ladybug.

“It’s not such a bad thing, is it?” he begs. “To want her back?”

Ladybug grabs his wrists and squeezes. “No, Chat, of course not.”

Adrien looks down at Ladybug’s fingers linked around his wrists. He knows what she’s going to say next.

“But, Chat, I still can’t—”

“Not to Hawk Moth,” he finishes. “I know.”

He can feel Ladybug’s eyes on him, but he can’t meet them.

“Chat…” Ladybug’s tone is cautious, but he knows her well enough to tell she’s thinking hard about something. Planning. “Chat, what if Hawk Moth isn’t telling the truth?”

He jerks away. “Of course, he is!”

“Listen!” pleads Ladybug. “I know you want your mom back. I would, too, if I were you. But what if he’s using you? No—Listen—it’s just I’ve never heard of the Ladybug and Chat Noir miraculouses being used together—Doesn’t mean it's not true! Just what if they _can’t_ bring your mom back when put together? They’d still give Hawk Moth a lot of power! What if that’s what he really wants?”

“He wants Mom back. I know it!”

“Then…what if he’s mistaken?”

“What are you saying?” he snaps.

“I–I don’t know! It just sounds too good be true…”

“You just don’t want me to get my mom back!”

“Chat!” Ladybug snaps. She thrusts her hands on her hips. “Chat,” she says again, and her tone is calmer this time. Sharp, but calmer. “I. Am. Your. Friend. I want you to be happy, I really do. I’m just trying to do the smart thing. Hawk Moth is—”

“You don’t know him!” he shouts.

Ladybug breathes out. “Okay.” She breathes again. “You’re right. Okay? I _don’t_ know him. All I know is what he’s done as Hawk Moth, and I don’t—I can’t trust him. Not from that. Do you understand me?”

He hangs his head and looks away.

“Let me—Let me talk to Tikki. Have you spoken to your kwami? And—there’s someone else. Master Fu. I want to know what they have to say before I…you know?”

He stays turned away. “Yeah.”

He feels Ladybug reach up and squeeze his shoulder. He still can’t look at her, but he leans into her touch.

“I’m really sorry,” she says quietly.

“I know,” he says.

“It’s a terrible situation,” she continues. “You don’t deserve this.”

He only shrugs.

Ladybug’s hand withdraws. He watches her feet as she shuffles them. “I—Look, I have to help out my parents tomorrow, so I really should—”

“Yeah,” he agrees.

Ladybug unhooks her yoyo. She’s ready to fly to the next building when suddenly she turns and throws her arms around him, hugging him for all she’s worth. “I am so, _so_ sorry,” she mutters into his chest. He’s overcome with the sensation. How is it he never realized she was so _warm_?

And then she pulls back. “I’ll get back to you,” she promises, and she swings away. Although he has responsibilities, too, he doesn’t immediately leave. Instead, he sits down on the shingles, trying to make sense of the hurt he’s feeling.

This isn’t what he wants. But he isn’t sure what it is that he does. He misses his mother. He misses his father’s approval. He longs for the feeling of Ladybug’s warmth in his arms again—

That, at least, is something he understands. And something that, miraculous or no, he knows he doesn’t get.

 

He probably still stinks of the Seine when he meets up with Ladybug again. They’re huddled in the upper floor of an abandoned warehouse: one thing they both agree on is that Hawk Moth shouldn’t know that they’re talking. Adrien’s eyes bug out when he spots the book Ladybug is carrying.

“How’d you—” He stops himself, realizing he probably shouldn’t know what book that is. “What is that?”

Ladybug sets his father’s book between them. “It’s a book on miraculouses and their powers. It goes over everything.”

“How’d you get that?”

If his night vision isn’t betraying him, Ladybug blushes. “I—well, I sort of stole it from a-a classmate at school.”

Hold on. _Classmate?_

“I meant to give it back!” Ladybug pleads quickly. “I didn’t even mean to steal it. Tikki spotted it and said she had to get a closer look. And then when we saw what it was—well, we couldn’t give it back.”

He knows Ladybug? _She_ _goes to his school?_

“Anyway,” continues Ladybug unaware of the massive hint she’s dropped about her identity. “Ladybug, Chat Noir, Hawk Moth… They’re all here. It’s all in code, but I took it to Master Fu, and he’s able to read it.”

At the mention of Master Fu, Adrien remembers why they’re here.

“What did Master Fu have to say?”

Ladybug’s mouth twists. “It _is_ true. With both the Ladybug and Chat Noir miraculouses, you will have unmatched power. But it’s not supposed to be that way. Ladybug and Chat Noir are supposed to reside in two different people, yin and yang. That way, as partners, they can balance out. But you break that balance, and it all becomes unstable.”

“So…?” he prompts.

“So you have the unlimited power of creation and destruction, but it’s all out of balance. All that good luck and bad luck in one person, there’s nothing to…to pull it back to center, I guess. You can accomplish things you’d never be able to with just one, but in one person, they’re just these opposing forces fighting each other. Eventually they’re going to unravel. Everything you’ve created, everything you’ve gotten rid of—it’ll all blow up.”

He’s almost scared to say it. “So with my mother…”

“You could bring her back,” says Ladybug. “But it wouldn’t last forever. There’d be too much instability. Eventually, it’d all fall apart, and she’d be destroyed along with it. And—” Ladybug gulps and whispers, “—and you can’t undo anything done with the double miraculous. Because the Healing Light is a part of it, too, you see.”

His stomach is churning, and he can’t tell if the empty feeling there is despair or—

“But–But she _would_ come back, wouldn’t she? For a little while?”

“Oh, _Chat._ ”

“I mean, even if it wasn’t forever—If I just got to talk to her again—”

“Chat, I don’t think you can justify—”

“But—If I just got to see her—It’s not bad! It’s not bad that I want to see her!”

“Of course not! Chat!” Ladybug reaches out, and he’s pulled into her shoulder. Her hands cradle him, his head, his back. “Chat, I know. I know. You want to see your mother.”

“I just miss her,” he cries into her shoulder. “I really miss her.”

“I know. I know.” Ladybug rubs circles into his back. “Oh _mon minou_.”

But he won’t let himself sob all over Ladybug. So when he would like nothing better than to wrap his arms around her and just cling to her, he pulls away. He tries to shake the tears out of his eyes. “But would it be so bad…?”

“Chat…” says Ladybug sympathetically. “Everything I can find out says the double miraculous won’t work the way you expect it to. Whatever you get, it won’t be what you want.”

She adds as a bit of an afterthought. “And in any case, I can’t give that kind of power to Hawk Moth.”

 

“Did you know?” demands Adrien. He’s glaring at Plagg, the anger that he might have felt at Ladybug now finally catching up with him.

Plagg is nudging Adrien’s pencils, seeing how hard he can push them before they roll off the desk. “Yeah.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?!”

Plagg shrugs. “It didn’t seem important.”

“Not important??” That’s it. Plagg is _definitely_ the least helpful kwami in existence. Adrien flops backwards on his bed. He stares up at his ceiling, two floors away. His voice cracks. “Is it even true?”

When Plagg doesn’t answer right away, he sits up.

Plagg is nibbling on the end of an eraser. “Ladybug and Chat Noir are supposed to be partners. Yeah.”

“And…?”

“And if you put them both in one person, bad things happen.”

Adrien’s stomach is twisting up in knots. Plagg can be quite good at being unreadable, but Adrien knows his kwami pretty well. “But…?” he says.

“Look, kid, there aren’t any guarantees.” Plagg waves the easer at him. “If your mother’s dead, there’s nothing you can do. But if she’s just lost… It _might_ be small enough. You _might_ be able to find her. And keep her.”

Hope bubbles up for a moment and then collapses, leaving Adrien as confused and frustrated as ever. Might be. No guarantees. Could possibly.

Why couldn’t the universe just give him a straight answer for once?

 

“She’s lying.”

Adrien’s explanation has barely left his mouth before Gabriel interrupts him, silencing him with a look. He continues, “Adrien, I want you to stop talking to Ladybug. She doesn’t understand what you’re going through.”

“She’s trying,” Adrien mumbles.

“That’s not enough! Ladybug doesn’t know who you _are_. She can never understand what you’re missing! She can’t see what you _need._ ”

 

“You’re different.” The milder, only slightly less painful version of “You’re not you anymore.” And that’s only because Ladybug isn’t throwing her yoyo at him while she says it.

The akuma is purified, and Ladybug must have re-charged her kwami extremely quickly because she’s standing before him now, not five minutes later. They’ve faced each other again. And they’ve fought, again. This time Adrien isn’t soaked to the bone, but the disappointment in the way she looks at him is worse.

Shoulders hunched, he turns away, shocked when Ladybug cries out, “Wait!”

She grabs onto his wrist and pulls him into a dirty alleyway—hopefully out of Hawk Moth’s radar. He barely has the courage to look at her, and Ladybug looks so sad. “I didn’t—I just mean, you’re not yourself.” She tries to smile. “I haven’t heard a single pun in three days.”

He tries to come up with one. For her. But he has nothing. As soon as his father found him out, all the freedom he found in Chat Noir was gone. He can’t joke around anymore, can’t play.

“This is me,” he says finally.

“Chat, I–I don’t understand,” Ladybug says softly. “Why are you doing this? You’re not happy. You know it won’t work in the end.”

“It’s not that simple,” he says.

Ladybug stamps her foot on the ground. “I know that, but—! Why? _What’s_ not so simple?”

“He’s my father,” Adrien points out, yet again.

“But, like, you don’t have to do everything your father asks you. You’re your own person—”

“You don’t understand!” he bursts out. “He— My—!” He throws his hands up trying to find a way to explain. “My father needs me. I’m all he has left. And—it’s like—This is the first time—”

His breath is catching in his throat, and he is dangerously close to losing control. He swallows thickly. “This is my chance. I can prove myself to my father. I can  _finally_  be good enough—”

His words die when Ladybug grips his shoulders and starts shaking him violently.

“Don’t. Say. That,” she spits. “Don’t. _Ever_. Say. That. You _are_ enough! Even without the miraculous. And if you’re father can’t see that—!”

“I’m never what he wants me to be.” Once he’s started, he can’t stop. “I’m too shy, too emotional. I mess up on the smallest things. I’m awkward. I’m late. I say the wrong thing. My grades are slipping—”

“Well, he’s an idiot!” spits Ladybug. “If he can’t see how lucky he is to have you—”

“Ladybug,” he sighs. “Even you get annoyed by me.”

“Chat, _no!_ No, no, no!” Ladybug’s back to shaking him again. “I mean, yes, sometimes you do annoy me and your lines drive me crazy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them!”

“Doesn’t it?” sighs Adrien.

“ _Chat_ ,” sighs Ladybug. Then she sighs again, those big bluebell eyes pouring into his. “Chat, at least tell me you know you’re good enough for _me_.”

Adrien looks down at his shoes. Because he can’t honestly say so. He knows he’s worth something to Ladybug. He knows he’s her partner. But in the end, she doesn’t really need him. She could do it all on her own. He just makes it easier. And she doesn’t even crave his company like he does hers.

“Chat, no!”

Adrien scrapes his toe on the ground. “I know I’m not your favorite person.”

“Okay, there you’re dead wrong,” says Ladybug fiercely. “You’re definitely in my top five. And the only reason you’re not number one is because I can’t knock my parents, and my best friend would literally kill me if I put someone else above her.”

This information is completely new to Adrien. “But if I annoy you…”

“You’re more than that! You’re loyal and dependable and you’ve always got my back. You’re so selfless it scares me to death sometimes! And kind, too. You always call me out when I’m being petty. You’re patient enough to put up with Chloe, but always ready to jump into a fight. And–And—” Ladybug is spluttering, her hands flying everywhere. “I can’t _imagine_ a better partner! I don’t _want_ a better partner! And—I’d never tell you this ordinarily because your ego doesn’t need to get any bigger—but you’re actually funny. You make fighting akumas _fun!_ ”

By the time Ladybug finishes, she is breathing heavily. “You—You’re one of my best friends. I’ve been falling to _pieces_ without you!”

Adrien is stunned. Just stunned. And there is a large part of his brain that’s telling him it can’t be true.

“You haven’t—I mean, I’ve seen you. You’ve taken care of the last three akumas fine without me.”

Ladybug just shakes her head. “No, I haven’t. I–I…” Ladybug tilts her head back, and to his shock, there are tears welling up in her eyes. “How do I put this?” she mumbles.

“Okay. Here.” She tugs on him until they’re both sitting, side by side, against the alley wall. Ladybug wraps her arms around her knees. “Do you remember the first akuma we fought? Stoneheart?”

He nods. “Of course.”

“Do you remember what a mess I was?”

The corners of his lips lift a little. “I do remember you falling for me, my Lady.”

She returns a watery smile. “I had no idea what I was doing. And I was so worried I was going to mess up spectacularly. I have no idea how you got into it so quickly.”

He hadn’t thought about messing up. He was just so excited to be _doing_ something and to be _free_ that he just hit the ground and started running.

Ladybug keeps talking. “We defeated Stoneheart, only we didn’t capture the akuma. And when I found out, I just—That was exactly what I was afraid of. I was such a failure.”

“No, Ladybug—!”

Ladybug squeezes his hand and gives him another smile. “I gave up, actually. I took out my earrings, and I was going to give them away to someone better.”

_No!_ he thinks, feeling a spike of very displaced fear. He focuses on the warmth of her hand on his. _She’s here._ He hadn’t lost her. _She’s here._

Ladybug continues without notice of his internal panic.

“But then my friend was in trouble, and you were captured and I had to transform.” She sighs. “And even then, I wasn’t convinced I was cut out for this. When the police gathered around, telling me I’d failed, to get out of the way and let them handle it—it was like everything I had been telling myself the whole time came true.” She turns to look at him. “And do you remember what happened then?”

He frowns. He remembers the police dismissing them, and he remembers Ladybug taking on Hawk Moth’s swarm of akuma singlehandedly, but he isn’t really certain what happened in between.

Ladybug smiles at him softly. “You talked to me. You told me I _was_ the right person for the job because I saved Chloe.” Her lips twitch. “First time of many. And you told me that we were the best Paris had and that you believed in me.” Her eyes focused somewhere far away. “I still remember it, the way you looked with your hands on my shoulders. And it just—When Hawk Moth appeared and tried to get us to give up our miraculouses, it gave me the strength to keep going. And it’s been like that ever since. I could never be Ladybug on my own, but with you at my side, I know it’s going to be okay.”

Ladybug gives him a smile that’s like the sunrise at dawn, but then, quite suddenly, her face crumbles and she collapses over her knees.

“Ladybug! What’s wrong?”

She’s crying. “I j-j-just m-miss you! I m-miss my p-p-partner!”

He reaches for her, and she throws her arms around him, burying her face in his neck, her whole body shaking with sobs while her fingers dig into the back of his suit.

“I w-want my p-partner back!”

“I’m sorry, Ladybug.” He clings to her. He’s crying, too, as he tries to rub her shaking back. “I’m so sorry.”

 

He cannot think tear-stained looks good on Ladybug. It only breaks his heart. She’s still trembling slightly when she stands up. Her voice is rough and scratchy.

“I hope you know,” she says as he makes his way to his feet. “I can’t ever give my earrings to Hawk Moth. But if _you_ really needed them—” Her voice catches, and he can tell she’s thinking through all the implications of what she’s saying. She gulps and continues, “I’d give them to you.”

 

He’s just about made up his mind as to what he’s going to do until he makes it home. His father is crumbled over his desk, and he doesn’t notice Adrien. Instead, he’s looking at the portrait of Mom. Adrien just hears him whisper, “So close. And another failure.”

Adrien’s never seen anyone look so _defeated._

 

Adrien drops into his bed and smashes his face into his pillows. He doesn’t know what to _do_. Either way he ends up shattering the heart of someone he loves. Not just loves, but the two people he cares most about in the world. How can he willingly choose one over the other?

“What am I supposed to _do_?”

Plagg settles on his pillow, munching on Camembert. “What do you want to do?”

Adrien turns his head to look at him. “I don’t _know_. Ladybug or my father? How am I supposed to choose?”

Plagg opens his mouth and swallows the entire piece of cheese. “Choose neither. Do what you want.”

“But I don’t _know_ what I want!”

“You _know_ …” drawls Plagg. “Chat Noir is supposed to be a hero, too.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ladybug and Chat Noir are partners, sure. But Chat Noir is supposed to be a hero on his own. He’s not Ladybug’s shadow. _Or_ Hawk Moth’s.”

Plagg belches. “Do you have more cheese?”

“No,” says Adrien.

Plagg flies over to wrestle another piece out of the mini fridge and then flies right back to chew loudly in Adrien’s ear. “I’m just saying, not all Chat Noirs had Ladybugs. Or their Ladybugs were indisposed. Chat Noir is supposed to be a hero in his own right.”

 

Adrien thinks about heroes. He knows what a hero looks like. She wears red and black spots. She’s brave and clever, and she never backs down. She puts the wellbeing of others before her own. She thinks with her head, and she takes her responsibility seriously. Paris is her number one priority.

He thinks about it and… It doesn’t make his decision easier. It doesn’t make any of it hurt less. He is betraying his _father_ , the only semblance of family that he has left. And worse, he knows doing so will break his father’s heart. Until now, Adrien has never fully appreciated the term moral strength. Because this is so incredibly difficult.

But personal pain is not what is important. If a hero is what he’s supposed to be…


	5. Chat Noir

Chat adjusts the binding on Ladybug, snug against her wrists but not so tight she won’t be able to break out. This _is_ Ladybug, after all, and it is her yoyo they are using.

“You don’t have to do this, Chat,” says Ladybug.

But he’s made up his mind. It’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, but never has he felt so sure of a decision. All his life, he has tried to do the right thing, please everyone and harm no one. For the first time, he’s doing something not because it’s what someone _wants_ but simply because it’s what needs to be done.

It’s tearing him apart, but he also feels oddly at peace. Whatever happens, he knows he made the right decision. Paris won’t be safe with Hawk Moth. And it’s Chat Noir’s duty to protect Paris.

“Yes, I do,” he says simply.

“It’s your _father_ ,” insists Ladybug. “You don’t have to. I could face him alone.”

She probably could. But he understands his role better now. “Not alone. It’s my job to save Paris, too.”

Ladybug leans toward him, her eyebrows bunched up. “You really are the best person I know,” she says softly. “The bravest, too.”

His cheeks heat up a bit, but the gravity of what he’s about to do prevents him from feeling more. He stops fiddling with her bonds. “Ready?” he asks.

Ladybug leans back into him as he scoops her up. The trust she has in him is astounding. Bound as she is, it’s entirely in his hands now. He could turn her over to Hawk Moth, and there’s nothing she could do to stop him. But she doesn’t even tense, and he will give her no reason to.

Chat, though… Only the soft feel of Ladybug’s hair on his cheek stops the tension from overtaking him. She leans her head against his shoulder.

“I’m taking you home after this is over.”

“We’ll already be at my house,” he says.

“No, silly kitty, _my_ home. I’m not leaving you alone after this.”

 He very nearly drops her. “But—Your identity—”

Her eyes are kind. “Kitty, after everything do you really think identities still matter?” She turns to look at where they will be going. “I just hope you like croissants because that’s how my parents show their love.”

He really can’t imagine what croissants or any food tastes like right now, but he holds onto that anyway. At least he knows there’s one thing to look forward to once this particular hell is over.

Ladybug shifts in his arms. “Ready, Kitty?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, my Lady.”

And he jumps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read through all of this. This story really means a lot to me, and I'd love to hear what you think <3


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